Growing up...

The course of growing up is really not simple.
Not only we gotto learn from scratch everything's that thrown at our face, we'll need to learn fast so that we get up quick enough in order not to be left far behind. And like I always say, we need to learn the magic to match what we want and what we can afford. And there're also all the work challenges, office politics, competition etc etc.

But till this day, this moment, I still think the most difficult thing about growing up is to learn and accept how friendship comes and goes and how we learn to accept that those we know inside-out when we were kids are merely just hi-bye friends now. Sad but true. Heart-wrenching but that's the fact.

When we were kids, we have this vision where the bestest friends will grow up to adults who work in the same company (or maybe same building), stay near each other and have each other's happening at finger tips. Vision used to remain the same until some point where each one of us had to go different ways to seek further enhancement in life. Hence, during the procedure, we meet different people, mingle with different type of social circle, gained different hobbies/interest and subsequently, changed paths.

In touch, yes, we still do keep. Friends, yes, we still are. But bestest friends? Well, how do you define so? Unanswered questions, unclear decisions, unclarified doubts, but do I ask? No. and Why? coz I feel that it's not appropriate. And Why again? I'm not so sure myself.

Of course I would like to know. But I know best that what is not mentioned, should remain as a silent issue. But can I count myself a good friend that I do not know at all what's happening? Can I be regarded as a good friend by just supporting whatever decisions made without knowing the reason behind each of it? Well, like dearie always say "So what if I know? So what if the story is made clear to me? Will it make a difference?" Hm... I guess the answer is "No" and I guess that's why also why I never do really dwell into all the question marks above my head.

Matters like this keep me awake at night. It keeps me awake thinking, how come we seem so close, but feel so distant? When did the awkward silent appear? When izzit that I started to think twice before saying what I wanted to say to these people? All question are left unanswered and there will be no answers waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. I aint seeing no light ... no lights at all...

Should I remain as the "Dont-tell-thus-I-dont-ask friend"? the "seem-to-be-close-yet-not-so-close-friend?" or should I just throw all these thoughts away and just merely BE THERE as an available friend? No questions asked. No care given. Just someone that you might think off when you are free or when you think of childhood? Gosh...have you felt as if a stone is pressing down on your heart and you feel a type of heartache that's unexplainable? That's exactly how I'm feeling now. *sigh* Sad man... downright f*#cking sad.