And so comes week 14 :)

We did the home test and found this result on September 5th :)
Was hoping that I could skip the entire first trimester ordeal and be at week 14 or 15 immediately. Went to Britannia the next day and Dr. Tan said I'm at week 6... SIX!!

When we first got to know that I was pregnant with Anne, I was at week 7 then.. and this time, we got to know a week earlier. Once Doc said I was at week 6, all the worries of frequent nausea, vomitting etc etc came flooding in.

But that wasn't the worst. During the first checkup, doc couldn't locate any heartbeat. There was a sac, and that was just about it. An empty sac without a yolk. Doc said it might be too early to detect a heartbeat and a yolk. However, everything should appear within 2 weeks or so. Told us to go home and have a lot of rest. Gave us some folic asic pills, vitamins and supplements, told me not to worry, not to carry heavy items, not to have intercourse and see him again in 2 weeks.

Not seeing what we wanted to see in the scan made me very worried. When I was pregnant with Anne, even during the first visit, we could hear the strong heartbeat. I remembered the choo-choo-train sound sending wide smiles to Dearie's face that moment. However, this time was different. We left the clinic feeling very worried.

ok, 2 weeks later...
(oh, just in case you were wondering, these 2 weeks were like 2 months! I cried alot during the first week as I cant imagine if the sac were to remain empty and I cant have this little darling! Surfing the internet didnt help at all as most of the forums and comments in the internet with mommies encountering empty sacs and no heartbeat eventually had a miscarriage in either thier 8th or 9th week. Scared me to hell... Dearie forbade me to read any more forums and told me that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.. Everyone started telling me that we're still young. If the fetus isn't healthy, we can still try again. Such sentences made me cry even more :P )

ok, anyway, 2 weeks later.. went back to see Dr. Tan.
this time, there was a tiny dot which represents the heartbeat. The sound of the heartbeat wasnt really strong but there was at least a blinking heartbeat with some sound to it. There was also a yolk in the sac. At 8 weeks, the size of the yolk and the sac measured at around 6+ weeks. Growth was still slow but there was improvement. Doc looked abit worried and he went on to inform that there might be a few possibilities on why we are not hearing a strong heartbeat or seeing more improvements:-
1) My ovulation date went way off (ie, ovulated later than it was suppose to, hence all the date calculation went wrong
2) The persenyawaan process didn't really go well and the fetus isn't growing as much as it was suppose to - and this might lead to the sac just maintaining as a sac without a heartbeat - in normal terms, an early miscarriage.

And so again, I was sent home with a very very heavy heart. There was nothing that we could do to improve the situation and that exactly made me feel horrible. It's like, I know there's something very angelic inside me and there's a miracle happening to us... but the feeling of possibly loosing this very little miracle send chills down my spine. I was so so soooo very afraid ... I don't know how to describe the feeling as if one puts it logically, how could someone be so attached to something which is less than a month old? But well, like one of my very good friend puts it, it only takes a mother to understand another...

During the above 4 weeks, I was away from work for 3 . Basically just stayed home, read, cried, puked and slept. Very emotional journey as I couldn't do much of anything. I couldn't even carry Anne, let alone go out on weekly outings/dinners with her and Dearie. Felt that I couldn't sayang Anne as much as I wanted to.

At one point, when someone ask Anne where's papa and mommy? She'll go "Papa working, mommy sleeping".. coz I was always in bed. When I ran to the toilet to puke, Anne would stand behind me asking "mommy sick ar? mommy cough ar?" then she would go take a spoon and tell me "mommy take medicine. take dy no cough" *warm tears filled my heart

During bedtime, dearie and I swapped placed. Before this, Anne would sleep on my arm, we would cuddle until she falls asleep, then I'll put her down to her own bed. Now, dearie plays that role coz we're afraid that Anne might accidentally kick my tummy.

And so, another 2 weeks passed again. This time, I entered the doc's room with a pounding heart. I was quite sure that the baby is still in-tact as I was puking like crazy. Like da sista puts it, "Puking it good! It means baby is there!" so well... :S

However, I was afraid to look at the screen when the doc did the scan. In my heart, I was saying "please grow... please have a strong heartbeat" and walla!! We saw the growth this time :) Baby was slightly bigger, we heard the loud choo-choo-train like heartbeat and doc said "ok, it's doing alright! See! Told you it might just be late ovulation. No need to worry. Now go home, have lots of rest and I'll see you in a month, which will be on 1 Nov".

And so this time, for the first time after 3 visits, I left the doc's room smiling instead of crying *shy

At home, we've started introducing to Anne that there's a baby "inside"... need to explain to her and make her understand why mommy cant carry her now... she'll help Papa apply cream for "baby" at night before going to sleep and knows how to differentiate which cream is for baby and which cream is for Papa :)

And now, back to the last checkup where we went on 2 Nov instead of 1 Nov.
No more tears this round. The little one has grown alot, weighing at 28gram now. We could see the shape of the head, the 2 sides of the brain, the limbs, fingers, bum and legs. Doc tried to see if we could catch a glimpse of the baby's sex, but no confirmation yet. Will know in about a month's time :)

The check for the gap between the baby's neck to the spine for down syndrom possibilities is also fine, as in, there are no major risk that the baby will have it. Size, length, weight and growth all matches the term of my pregnancy :)

We're to go back in a month's time. By then, will have to do the triple test and to see further growth of this little miracle.

And so everyone.... the journey begins :) :)